A Few Things…

On NFL Sentencing, The Heartbreaking Boys of Summer, Music and Movies You Oughtta Know, Woodstock and Some Shit That Will Make You Smile

On Donte, Vick and Cheddar Plax:

Lookit, I'm all about second chances and believe that part of what's wrong with the criminal justice system in this country is that it's nearly impossible for convicts to earn a living, which is what causes such a high percentage of parolees to re-offend.  Mike Vick absolutely has the right to earn a living putting his skill set to use - as should everyone else who has done their time and paid their debt to society.  All these PETA fucks need to chill out and realize that while what he did was disgraceful, he served his sentence and doesn't need to be punished for the rest of his life.  Also, let's keep things in perspective here - he killed a dog.  I'm a dog lover and the type of abuse dogs bread for fighting must endure makes me sad, but it's not the same as killing a human being.  It's just not.  Commissioner Goodell did the right thing granting him conditional reinstatement.  

That being said, with this morning's sentencing of Plaxico Burress, one has to wonder just where the hell our priorities lie.  Donte Stallworth goes for a drive after a few bong hits and a shitload of beers and ends up killing a pedestrian.  He says how sorry he is, that it was an accident and we all realize that no amount of punishment is going to bring the victim back.  Again, all about second chances here, but 20 days? Vick killed a dog, got 18 months, Donte - kills a human being - 20 days.  This brings us back to the curious case of Cheddar Plax, who accidentally capped himself in the leg.  In Plax's case, nobody died, in fact the only victim was his own dumb ass.  What was his sentence?  2 fucking years?!?  I'm not saying he shouldn't have been punished.  I get that gun control is a big deal and New York has strict gun laws in place for a reason.  But two years?!?  Is carrying a handgun with the safety off in a crowded club - in the waistband of your sweatpants stupid?  Sure.  Is the fact that it went off super unlucky?  Yeah.  Is a crime where the only victim was the perpetrator worth two years?  Fuck off.  Especially when two guys who actually killed people or dogs got off with less.  This of course opens a larger debate about gun control in this country and in the NFL.  Our society and the NFL need to find that fine line between one having the right to protect themselves and being a menace to others - and toe it carefully.

On The Chicago Cubs:

Really? REALLY?!?

There's not much else to say at this point.  This team has underachieved in every way imaginable.  Of course injury hasn't been kind to them, blah blah blah.  But watching this team all year, you were just waiting for something to click.  It never did.  Maybe Albert Pujols is just that good.  Maybe it's another wait til next year kind of season.  But with a little over a month left to play and the Cubs trailing the St. Louis Buzzsaw by 6 games, that feeling of over confidence Northsiders have felt every April and May for the past few years is finally starting to subside.  With an abysmal bull pen and an inconsistent rotation, it's becoming clear that this just ain't the year.  I'll be heading to Chavez Ravine tomorrow night to watch the Cubbies for the second time this season.  The first time was at Hohokam Stadium in Mesa Arizona (side note: every true baseball fan should experience spring training) and I can't help but think about how different I feel about the Cubs and their season at this juncture than I did back in March.  Watching the Cubbies give it up to the Angels in Arizona, all I could think about was how this was gonna be our year, how we'd have no trouble with the division and another season of experience would carry us deeper into the playoffs.  I hate to say it, but tomorrow night, win or lose, I won't be able to help but feel that all too familiar feeling.  

Any Cubs fan knows what I'm talking about.  Heartbreak, regret and embarrassment that we didn't see this coming.  I think that's what makes Northsiders great though, what sets us apart.  No matter how our team breaks our heart, whether they do it in October, August or even in April (1997 anyone?) we come back the next year full of hope, full of pride, bleeding Cubbie Blue, always believing that next year is here.  And you know what, whether they finish 10 games out of first or make a miraculous playoff run, only to let us down again - I'll be in Mesa in March with bells on, I'll keep WGN in business all summer long and I'll show up at Dodger Stadium head to toe in Cubbie Blue when they make their west coast swing.  I love the Cubs and I know they only hurt because they love me too.

On Pop Culture

This was a weird summer for movies.  I feel like we peaked with "The Hangover", but Tarantino's "Basterds" drops this weekend and despite mixed reviews, it should be a pretty good time.

Elsewhere in the movie world, the trailer for James Cameron's "Avatar" is out now and it looks pretty trippy.

Watch the trailer here:  http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/avatar/hd/

On the music front, if you haven't yet, you gotta check out "Run This Town", the newest single from Jigga Man featuring Rihanna and Kanye. Rihanna takes a decidely more hard core tone than her last collaboration with a rapper on TI's "Live Your Life" and of course, anytime Hov and 'Ye are both spitting on the same track, you know it's gonna be off the hook.  If you ain't got this, get this:

Also, if Asher Roth doesn't do it for you, check out Mike Posner, a white boy with some serious game:

Mike Posner Rocks Show w/ No Mic

http://www.myspace.com/mikeposner

Posner and his group, The Brain Trust are sure to become instant classics, especially on college campuses as they and collaborator Big Sean combine a variety of backgrounds and musical influences to lay down smooth flows and killer rhymes. The Brain Trust combines the influences of hip hop, soul, funk, classic rock and jam bands as they tackle important issues like young love, heartache, weed and nerd culture.  Featuring incredible, complex beats and fresh rhymes, Mike Posner and the Brain Trust bring a fresh take and a new sound to hip hop.  Additionally, Posner's cover of Kanye's "Heartless" blows those pussies from The Fray out of the water.

Get into this music before this motherfucker blows up and you'll be cooler than your friends.

On a side note, Posner's heading into his senior year at Duke carrying a 3.6 GPA.

On Having Something In Common With Our Parents

WOODSTOCK celebrated its 40th birthday this past weekend proving that some things are still cool no matter how old they get. History's been airing a great special called "Woodstock: Now and Then" which is the most comprehensive piece I've seen on the festival since the 1970 documentary. I could wax all poetic about what it all meant, but we've been through that before. I will say that the sheer magnitude of the thing is damn near impossible to grasp. Anyone who's been to a modern day music festival knows what a special thing it is to get hundreds of thousands of people from all over the country from various backgrounds to one spot with one purpose: hearing some great tunes and having fun. The amount of legendary acts you can see in one weekend and the people you meet and things you see and experience will stick with you forever. What made Woodstock special was that nothing like it had ever happened before. It's a phenomenon we all took for granted because we all grew up in a post Woodstock world. The concept of Woodstock has been around our whole lives. But in 1969, nothing like it had occurred before (and really, despite some great imitations, nothing has since). The sheer amount of people was unheard of, the idea that a bunch of young people could congregate for 3 days with no major problems was laughable (thank you mayor Daley), and the number of legendary acts that showed up and played day and night for three days straight has never been matched before or since. Possibly the biggest surprise of the festival was that four guys who had only played together live once before absolutely stole the show. That's saying a lot when you consider that The Who played "Tommy", Jimmy debuted his take on "The Star Spangeled Banner" and Country Joe McDonald led 300,000 people in a chorus of what's possibly the greatest protest song ever written. There were dozens of other legendary performances, but CSNY's "Suite: Judy Blue Eyes" was the hands down show stopper:

And let's not forget the story of Pete Townsend hitting Abbie Hoffman with his guitar to get him "the fuck off my fucking stage". How had I never heard this story before? How is there no footage? Check out the audio below. Anyone who doesn't believe that The Who invented punk rock need only to look at the balls and "fuck you" attitude of the legendary Townsend. From the white jumpsuits, to the smashed guitars, the guy is punk rock.

Check out Ang Lee's new film "Taking Woodstock" starring Emile Hirsch and Demetri Martin.

And Finally, Some Cool Random Shit

First off, this list has been circulating the interwebs for a while. I pulled it off brobible and it's pretty funny:

This has been making the rounds on Facebook and via email the past few days, and we thought we'd share if you haven't seen it already. If anyone knows who wrote it -- no, it wasn't Jack Handy -- we're happy to give credit where it's due. Get a funny mass email worth passing on? Post it in the Brommunity or send it in via the TIP OFF BUZZ EDITORS button.

UPDATE: A reader tells us that this may be the work of Aaron Karo over at Ruminations.com. Looks like a funny site. Go check it out!

1. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

2. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

3. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

4. I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

5. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

6. That's enough, Nickelback.

7. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

8. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

9. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

10. There is a great need for sarcasm font.

11. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck was going on when I first saw it.

12. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

13. The other night I hit a new low at an open bar. I had already hopped on highway blackout when, inevitably I had to find a bathroom. Eventually I decided it was probably on the other side of the bar so I tried to walk over there, but ran into a guy coming the other way. We played that, Both go left, Both go right game to no avail, so I finally put out my hand to guide myself past and that's is when I realized, yup, that's a mirror I just tried to walk through. And the guy on the other side is me. Even cats can re cognize their own image.

14. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

15. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

16. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

17. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

18. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

19. Was learning cursive really necessary?

20. Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

21. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

22. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

23. My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.

24. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

27. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

28. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

29. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

30. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

31. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

32. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

33. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

34. I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

35. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

36. Bad decisions make good stories

37. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

38. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

39. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

40. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

41. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

42. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

43. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to fall and hit your head after leaning your chair back a little too far.

44. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

45. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

46. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

47. While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.

48. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

49. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

50. When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

51. I really like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

52. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

53. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

54. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

55. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

56. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

57. I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

58. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

59. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

60. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

61. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

62. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

63. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

64. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

65. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

Last, but not least, if you've got 41 minutes to kill, this will knock your socks off (Potentially NSFW, depending on how cool your boss is):

Fit To Fill Video Remix LP from Jordan Laws on Vimeo.

Enjoy your Thursday, Bombers!

-Wild