The Morning Stretch
The Headline
Kobe Loses, America Rejoices!
The Magic take Game 3 of the NBA Finals on their home court 108-104. Outside of LA and Orlando the only reason I have any desire to watch the NBA Finals is to watch Kobe lose. All I am hoping for is a slow motion shot of Bryant balling his eyes out pounding his fists on the court asking the heavens why is he came up short of another ring. Kobe is the kid on the playground that would cheat, spit, cry, and lie to win game of one on one. All you want in the world is for that kid to get his ass handed to him. ...
You hear stories of Lakers practices where if Kobe got beat in a drill by someone he wouldn’t let his teammate off the court until he beat them. It’s one thing to want to be the best you can possibly be, but getting furious over a Jerry West quote about how Lebron is the better player or throwing a hissy fit when you lose it’s not ambition, it’s avarice. I don’t care how sweet his fade away is if struts down the court gloating like an idiot as fellow Bomber writer Will Blake alluded to in yesterday’s Morning Stretch.
And so goes the downfall of the modern athlete. Kobe isn’t the only severely flawed sports star, but this week he’s in the spotlight in all his Macbethian splendor. I don’t know if it’s the times or if the basketball stars we grew up with just knew how to hide their flaws better than the players of today. Perhaps the media’s learned that T.O. sells more than Joe Montana and is in part to blame. I don’t know maybe I’m just a 24 year old geezer who needs to be put in a home somewhere. Who knows? But is it me or does Phil Jackson look like he hates his life?
Wings and Penguins Go to 7
Yes, hockey is still going on for those of you not paying attention. Sid “The Kid” Crosby and the Pittsburg Penguins forced the NHL Stanley Cup back to Detroit for one more game. I say the Red Wings finish them up at home to win another title for the Motor City. C’mon with GM closing which city could really use something to cheer about? Pittsburg just won the Super Bowl. I have a bunch of family in the D and the city sure has seen better times. I got lost downtown last time I was in Detroit and I felt I was in a post-apocalyptic movie.
Kaka to Real Madrid for Way Too Much Money
Despite there being yearlong rumors of Cristiano Ronaldo going to Real Madrid it looks like the club has invested their future in Brazilian 27-year old Ricardo Kaka for 90+ million. Kaka was the best player in the world three years ago, but that was three years ago. He’s at best third in the world behind Messi and Ronaldo, but he has been plagued by injuries in the past year or so. Another rumor from Real Madrid is that they are after Spanish forward David Villa for a mere $50 million. I’d take Villa over Kaka any day. The Spaniard scores goals in his sleep.
USC Head Coach Tim Floyd Resigns
I think it goes pretty much assumed that if you’re a college basketball coach you’re a dirt bag nowadays. Handing some guy a sweaty wad of cash for O.J. Mayo must’ve been the tip of the iceberg. I just want to see Pete Carroll’s dirty laundry in the light of day.
Favre/Vikings Drama Coming to a Head
The Minnesota Vikings have told Brett Favre to make a decision or get lost. I now have a greater respect for Vikings head coach Brad Childress beyond his mustache.
-Sean Heffernan
June 10th, 2009 - 16:37
The reason today’s athletes have “fallen” and are “extremely flawed” isn’t because they’re worse people. It’s because people have more access to them. Because for some ridiculous reason they get as much media attention as heads of state, if not more. If the internet was around in the 90s (in the way it is today), I’m sure people would have felt differently about Michael Jordan, what with his love of punching his teamates in the face during practice, and that none of them wanted to play against him because he played too hard, too “dirty”. Or if a bigger deal was made about his gambling addiction and refusal to pay the people that beat him (Phil Mickelson I’m looking at you). You say Kobe’s the guy that will lie cheat steal etc. to win the game. Yes, he is. So was Michael. So was Magic. Definitely Bird was. Clean-cut John Stockton would intentionally hit guys in the kidneys on screens, because it causes your body to freeze up for a split second. You think Joe Montana was an “aw shucks, I lost but it’s ok” guy with no personal flaws? All players at Kobe’s level are “that kid”. The problem is the kids like you, that sit there wanting them to lose because you lack the willpower to be as good as them, you don’t want it as much as they do. You never will, because you don’t know what it’s like to be truly competitive. So instead you sit on the sidelines criticizing those who play, because you want to be part of the game so badly that, while you might not lie cheat spit or steal to be part of the game, you will talk s**t about people from afar.
June 10th, 2009 - 17:25
@Jack Cauffe
Say what you want about stars of the past having it easier, but consider for a second that in the summer of ’61, Maris and Mantle had reporters and photographers so far up their ass, they could taste Brill Creme, also consider the fact that there are plenty of dominant, competitive athletes today who don’t come off like total dicks. Further, the difference between guys like Montana, Stockton, Jordan, even LeBron and Wade – and Kobe – is that they understood (or understand) that public perception matters. At least those guys make an attempt to come across as decent human beings. Kobe clearly doesn’t give a fuck. You may call it honest. I call it arrogant. And you know what? He’s not a good enough player not to give a shit.
Jackoff – two things are obvious from this post: 1. You live in the LA area. Nobody outside of SoCal has any tolerance for Kobe’s whiny bullshit – that face he makes when a call doesn’t go his way, like someone just told his mom on him – his glib, arrogant post game comments and the fact that he NEVER PASSES THE BALL. I know in your tiny world, Kobe is the greatest person to ever grace the NBA with his presence, but the rest of the country is over it. 2. You’re incredibly clever. Jack Cauffe? I thought my username was stupid.
Now to address “the problem is kids like you…” How could arrogance and poor sportsmanship in the NBA be the fault of a blogger? And as far as the lack of willpower and competitive nature – who the fuck are you? Charlie Hustle? You talk about sitting on the sidelines and criticizing athletes from afar – while you sit on the sideline and criticize BLOGGERS from afar.
Look, I agree with you that athletes throughout history have gotten away with a certain level of shenanigans – perks of the job – but people are happy when Kobe loses because of his joylessness when he wins – his mechanical and whiny nature of play. It stopped being new and exciting two years into his career. If Kobe wants more people on his side, he should be less of a dick.
June 10th, 2009 - 17:43
@Jack Cauffe
I agree with you 100%… that is to say until you continue under the assumption that you know the writer personally. How do you know if he did/did not sit on the sidelines? Are you a prophet? And since you point to the writer’s not knowing the meaning of “truly competitive”, maybe you could shine some light on the subject for us? I’m just curious if it’s any different than “falsely competitive”. And how could you also quantify the proper amount of “wanting it”?
But to address your argument:
While the internet allows for more access more frequently, you’re overlooking the fact that–because MJ, Bird, Magic, Kareem, Wilt, Stockton, Malone, were so great–they got a pass on a lot of their dirt from the newspaper writers covering them.
During his Vegas playdates during the playoffs (prior to the first retirement), newspapers printed half-page color pictures of Jordan at the craps tables, had about 500 words reporting he was there between games/series, and let it die. Jordan’s punching Steve Kerr was documented.
The only players who were called dirty at that time were the players that were outwardly dirty and wanted everybody watching to know… Re: the Detroit Pistons. Similarly, the only players that were labeled dicks were the ones who didn’t give a shit what the newspapers said and were forthcoming with that sentiment… Re: Charles Barkley
On another note, you’re right. None of us are on Kobe’s level… though I’m sure Kobe’s relieved to know that you’re defending him honorably. But, in terms of his respective sport, Derek Jeter’s not “that kid”, Tom Brady isn’t “that kid”. In terms of basketball, Tim Duncan is not “that kid” and neither was David Robinson, Hakeem Olajuwon, or Shaq. (I’ll leave LeBron out of this section because he hasn’t won a championship and thus must not “want it bad enough”.)
The point I’m making is that there’s such a thing as integrity… Kobe don’t got it. What Kobe does have is a MASSIVE Hero Complex.
It’s not that any of us are hating on Kobe because Kobe’s a great player. We will all readily admit that. Why we don’t like Kobe has more to do with the fact that he’s contrived, fake, overblown, and melodramatic. From the names listed above that aren’t “that kid”, tell us where they, during one of their press conferences, put on a show about “not being happy” (a question asked because Kobe was sulking and pouting in front of the microphones and the cameras).
Kobe wants you to notice him… We all know that he’s a great player, but that’s not enough for him. He wants to go out of his way to make sure that we all see how well he knows the game and how great he is and how hard he’s trying to make his team a success as a direct result of his individual efforts.
That’s not a leader, that’s not a captain. That’s a selfish dick saying, “Look at me. Look at what I did for you.”
June 11th, 2009 - 03:43
OK, you’re correct. I don’t know the author, I was just generalizing and it was a mistake. He might not be John Clayton. I was going to write a long post about Kobe, but I figured I’d rather talk about Mr. Hickok. Wow. Wild Bill is an incredibly stupid name. My God. I typed my first stupid name in just to put something in (and I’m sure you were oh so proud to “get it” and be able to say you got it). You actually like your name don’t you? My guess? Your friends actually call you that (probably originally called you that to make fun of you), and you probably call yourself it. In fact, you probably mentioned your name being stupid because you figured I would and by you making fun of yourself for it first takes away whatever sting a comment made by me would have. Seriously though, Wild Bill? The only way that could not be the stupidest name ever is if you have a giant, awesome and amazing sherriff moustache. I’m guessing you don’t. You’re probably clean shaven, maybe have a goatee occassionally and gel the shit out of your hair. You’re probably from Chicago, but more likely a suburb. So maybe you went to LA for a little or even moved there and that’s why you’re so sick of hearing about Kobe Bryant. Because the LA people you met talked about him like he was better than Jordan. Let’s see. You probably want a job in sports. I’m guessing you want to be one of the guys on ESPN. If you went to college, there’s a good chance you studied for that. Or, you’ve actually had a little public access sports show. Ha, I bet if you did you called yourself Wild Bill on the show didn’t you. You’re gonna try to turn that into a little gimmick type thing. I’m from Chicago. I watched Michael my whole life. That’s why I like Kobe. Because whether people like it or not he plays more like Mike (not just in shot form, body type, gracefulness of motion or the fadeaway) than anyone else. Go watch some old Bulls games, watch Michael the whole time, not the ball. Just Michael. Then do the same thing for Kobe’s next game. You’ll see it, because as much as I’m making fun of you (sorry to be ignoring you Blake…good call on Tom Brady and Jeter, although the basketball players you mentioned never won a title when Mike was around) I think you know enough about basketball to see it. Kobe’s not Darth Vader. At some point it got cool to not like Kobe Bryant, just like how it’s cool for comic book geeks to not like Superman (Kobe’s not Superman, MJ is). Fact is, when I mention “that kid” I meant basically only 3 people. Michael, Tiger and Kobe. As far as closing out a competition, it’s those 3 and everyone else (maybe Magic). Haven’t mentioned him earlier, but if he had to, Tiger would cut off your balls and feed them to your own mother in order to win a game of mini golf. Seriously Bill, either grow a handlebar stache or change your name. I hope you end up making the right call, and grow the stache.
Mike punched more people than Kerr, although the Kerr one was hilarious. Now Will Perdue, that’s not funny. You don’t punch Will Perdue…he’s Will Perdue…he’s awesome. Hi-ho silver…
June 11th, 2009 - 03:54
Oh, “truly competitive” doesn’t mean there’s a “falsely competitive”. Truly is a term of degree.
June 11th, 2009 - 16:20
March, you transparent motherfucker.